I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
