"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
