Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
