Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
