I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
