When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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