My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
