I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
