from now on my penis is your penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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