My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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