Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
