I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
