by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
