I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
