Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
