I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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