Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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