Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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