I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize