Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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