just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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