Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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