it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
