im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize