Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
