I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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