Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
