she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
