my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
