I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
