I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
