Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
