Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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