he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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