I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
