If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
