I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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