She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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