hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
