I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
