Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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