Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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