is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
