so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Shame is for Republicans.
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