tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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