put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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