can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
