My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
