Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
