It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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