Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
