I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
