U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
