Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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