Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she smelled like a LAN party
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
