Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
