Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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