Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
