All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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