I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
