i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
