Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
